Dental mouth (risky fleshlight)

Description

Alright. Dude.

Technically? Just strictly speaking? This is agricultural equipment. This is for a cow. It’s for the dairy industry. We respect the farmers. Salt of the earth.

But we’re not giving this to a farmer, are we? No.

You’re giving this to that guy. You know the one. The guy who’s been single since the Obama administration. The guy who’s got a setup in his bedroom that looks like a NASA command center but for… darker purposes.

This is the Dark Arts, dude. This is high-level gooning.

You hand him this, and you’re basically saying, ‘Hey man, I know human women are out of the question for you now. I know you’ve graduated. You need… torque. You need horsepower. You need suction that could start a Honda Civic.’

It’s silicone. It’s detachable. It hooks up to a vacuum system if you’re brave enough. It’s terrifying.

It’s honestly an engineering marvel, but if you catch your friend using this? You gotta leave him behind. He’s gone. He’s ascended to a level of loneliness that science can’t fix. He’s in the matrix now.