Toilet Golf Practice Game

Description

We all know the guy. He just shot a 98 on a municipal course, but he won’t stop talking about the one drive he hit pure on the 14th hole. He’s got $2,500 worth of fitted clubs riding around in the trunk of a 2012 Honda Civic. His entire personality has mutated into quarter-zips, unearned swagger, and lying to his wife about how long a round of 18 actually takes. When he is home, his primary survival tactic is locking himself in the downstairs half-bath for 45 minutes at a time while his life falls apart in the living room.

So you hand him this.

You are giving him the ultimate enabler for his bathroom panic room. You slide this felt mat across the table, look him dead in the eye, and say, “Hey man, since you’re already using the toilet as an emotional bunker to hide from your family, you might as well work on your short game.”

It is a profound statement on his current priorities.

Imagine the absolute indignity of the scene. He’s sitting there with his pants around his ankles, completely checked out of society, aggressively trying to sink a two-foot putt on a piece of cheap, synthetic turf wrapped around a porcelain bowl. He thinks he’s prepping for the Masters, but he’s literally golfing in his own biohazard zone.

Every time he taps that little plastic ball and hears it clack against the toilet base, he has to sit there in the stench of his own life choices. You are forcing a man to admit that the only place he actually has any control over his trajectory is while he’s actively avoiding his responsibilities. It is the saddest par-3 in existence.