Inverted Nipple Corrector

Description

Imagine you’re dating a girl, and everything is going great, but there’s just… something missing. A lack of structural integrity, let’s say. You look down and it’s like a “Where’s Waldo?” situation, but with her anatomy. It’s just flat. It’s like looking at a blank wall where a light switch should be.

So you get her this.

You hand her these little plastic plungers and you’re basically telling her, “Hey, I know you’re struggling with the ‘visibility’ aspect of the relationship. I figured we’d start a little excavation project.” It’s the ultimate “I’m not satisfied with the factory settings” gift. You’re giving her a tool to literally vacuum her own body into a state of semi-importance.

It’s got medical-grade suction, which is hilarious because you’re treating her like a DIY home renovation. You’re saying, “If you can’t provide the ‘target,’ I’ll provide the equipment to find it.” It’s a total power move that is almost guaranteed to end in a breakup, but the look on her face when she realizes you bought her “nipple suckers” as a joke is going to be worth every second of the ensuing argument.

It’s the gift for the guy who’s bored and wants to see how far he can push the “It’s just a joke, babe” defense before his stuff is on the lawn. Every time she hears that little thwip of the suction, she’ll remember she’s dating a complete psychopath.