$8.99
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Description
We all know the guy. The guy who got really into cycling, or CrossFit, or maybe he just discovered expensive athleisure, and now he refuses to wear normal human pants. He’s walking around the grocery store in skin-tight compression gear. He’s at the coffee shop, ordering a macchiato, and he is just… presenting. He’s putting his entire biological blueprint right next to the pastry case.
It’s a hostage situation for everyone around him. You’re trying to have a normal conversation about the playoffs, and you’re forced to stare at a highly detailed topographic map of his groin.
So you step in as a leader. You hand him this.
Yeah, it’s technically marketed for women. It’s a silicone concealer. But you hand this to him and you say, “Listen to me. I love the fitness journey. You’re looking shredded. But we have to blur out the details. You are currently a walking HR violation.”
It’s a complete emasculation wrapped in a public service announcement. You are demanding that he put a literal mannequin-smooth dome over his business if he wants to hang out in public. You’re telling him that his aggressive aerodynamics have crossed the line into visual assault.
Every time he puts on his $150 gym leggings, he has to slide this silicone hockey puck into his waistband just so his friends will agree to get lunch with him. It is a devastating blow to his ego, but a massive win for society.
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