Clicker trainer

Description

Look at your buddy’s relationship. It’s a total disaster zone. He’s out there, married to a woman who basically treats him like a roommate she doesn’t even like. He’s forgotten what it’s like to have an opinion that doesn’t get immediately vetoed. He’s just wandering around the house, looking for his balls, while she tells him the throw pillows are in the wrong spot for the nineteenth time today.

You give him this.

Now, Amazon says it’s for ‘obedience training’ and ‘positive reinforcement’ for a dog. But you hand this to him and you’re handing him a dream. You’re handing him the illusion of control. It’s got a 1,000-yard range, which is perfect for when she’s screaming at him from the other side of the Costco parking lot. It’s got a little vibration mode, a little ‘tone’ button—it’s basically a universal remote for a life he’s not allowed to lead anymore.

You’re saying, ‘Hey man, I know you can’t win the argument, but maybe if you hit the buzzer every time she starts talking about her mother, you’ll feel like you’re doing something.’ It’s the ultimate psychological crutch for a guy who’s been completely neutered by domesticity. It’s a tactical tool for the husband who’s given up. Every time he clicks that remote in his pocket, he can pretend he’s the one in charge of the ‘behavioral corrections.’ It’s sad, it’s petty, and it’s the only win he’s gonna get all year.