BJ Knee Pads

Description

Think about that guy you work with. The guy who’s always “going the extra mile” for the VP. He’s got that look in his eye—the look of a man who’s ready to do whatever it takes to get that mid-year bonus. He’s not even a person anymore; he’s just a heat-seeking missile for the boss’s approval.

You hand him these.

They’re “professional grade,” which is perfect, because he’s a professional. They’ve got the heavy-duty caps and the gel cushioning. They’re designed for laying tile or doing floor work, but you’re giving them to him for his specific brand of career advancement. You’re basically telling him, ‘Hey man, I know you’re spending a lot of time on your knees in the corner office. I just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable while you’re down there.’

It’s the most aggressive thing you can do in a cubicle setting. You’re acknowledging his “hustle” while simultaneously calling him a total suck-up. Every time he straps these on, he has to remember that everyone knows exactly how he got that window office. It’s high-level psychological warfare disguised as a safety precaution. You’re caring for his joints while you absolutely incinerate his reputation. It’s the ultimate “Good luck with the promotion” gesture.