Under $100

Because the corporate ladder is hard on the knees.

Hide it in a drop ceiling; battery lasts for months.

Hide it in a drop ceiling; battery lasts for months.

Hide it in a drop ceiling; battery lasts for months.

Hide it in a drop ceiling; battery lasts for months.

Hide it in a drop ceiling; battery lasts for months.

Hide it in a drop ceiling; battery lasts for months.

Hide it in a drop ceiling; battery lasts for months.

Are you tired of soaking up piss stains with your ass? Would you prefer not to stand in droplets of urine while going to the toilet? It sounds like you may know someone who suffers from dribble dick.

The Toddler Pissing Target helps train those low IQ simpletons that can’t seem to keep their piss in the bowl.

The unimaginative may look at this item and think… “why would I buy a baby doll?”

• Keep your car safe – leave the baby in your car while you run errands,

Technically designed for canine obedience, this 1,000-yard remote is the ultimate psychological crutch for your completely neutered, henpecked buddy. Featuring pocket-sized tone and vibration modes, it provides the perfect delusion of domestic dominance. Every time his wife yells at him from across the Costco parking lot, he can secretly hit the buzzer in his pocket and pretend he’s the one issuing behavioral corrections. It’s sad, it’s petty, and it’s the only win he’s going to get all year.

The Problem: He’s Haunted.
We all know a guy who’s just… haunted. Just completely off the rails. You look at him and you can actually see the demons dancing in his eyes.

He’s thirty-two, he’s eating ramen out of a coffee mug, and he’s still texting his ex at 4 AM. You can’t fix him. You’re not a therapist. You don’t have the clearance.

The Solution:
So you get him the Holy Rollers.

You hand him a pen. It looks nice. It’s pastel. It’s got a little stylus on the end. But really? It’s an exorcism tool. You’re slipping a little Jesus into his pocket hoping it burns the evil out of him.

Why It Works:

The Ultimate Passive-Aggressive Move: You’re not saying, “Hey, get your life together.” You’re letting the pen do the heavy lifting.

Jesus Take the Wheel: You’re essentially saying, “I’m out of ideas, man. I can’t steer this ship anymore. Maybe the Big Man upstairs can take the wheel, because you are currently careening off a cliff.”

The Guilt Trip: Every time he goes to sign a bar tab or write a bad check, he has to look at a scripture. It fits right in his pocket.

The Result:
It probably won’t save his soul, but it might make him hesitate before he buys that third jet ski.